While typically we revel in any bad news that comes from the University of Tennessee, the recruiting news from Knoxville this year was so dismal that pity is the word that comes to mind. To be honest with you, Tennessee falling to the ranks of Kentucky and Vanderbilt just isn’t good for the conference or our favorite rivalry.

It has become obvious that the administration is not going to fire Coach Fulmer so we thought we might do something to help him out a little bit.

In the spirit of friendly competition, we offer:  Jitterbug

It doesn’t talk a genius to figure out that Coach Fulmer is getting long in the tooth. After all, he is the dean of coaches in the SEC. It is apparant that technology has gotten ahead of the venerable coach. No one but very important doctors had cell phones when Phil became the big man (tee hee) in Knoxville in the early nineties. So it is understandable that he was slow to embrace the advances in technology.

In fact, a few years ago, when asked about the possibility of using a phone to recruit, Coach Fulmer replied, “I recruited Travis Henry and all I ever did was send him a letter. I am sure someone read it to him. What the hell do I need a phone for?”*

You mean I can’t call a recruit on this?

I can’t call a recruit on this?

The sad fact though, is that telephone communication is really the only way to communicate now. You’ve got to keep up with the times. Just ask Coaches Meyer, Richt, and Saban. This phone gives him a chance to enter the communication age.

Coach Fulmer has also never been accused of being what you would call – smart. We have gone on record as saying he wears velcro strapped shoes because the intelluctual intricacies that come with shoelaces and knots is just too much for him to handle. This phone is obviously designed for him.

It’s kind of like Fisher-Price but in reverse; it’s set up for slower, old people who need the uprgade in technology but aren’t competent enough to use a phone like the rest of us.

Good luck Coach Fulmer! With Jitterbug at your command, you might be able to crack the top 30 for next year’s recruiting class. 

*There is no actual proof, that we found, that Coach Fulmer made these comments or is aware that there are cell phones.